If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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