His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
