Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
