I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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