Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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