oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
