we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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