He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
