i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
In America we eat man semen.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
