nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
