I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
