drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
