Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
