I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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