In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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