is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
