She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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