I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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