i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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