I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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