I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
