PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I still have a little drunk in my system
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
