Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
