That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
