What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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