How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
