somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
