I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A bitchslap is in order.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
