i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
