Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.