i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE