Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.