i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC