Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
