I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight