He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??