I want to make a zoo with you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.