Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dating After Heartbreak
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ttyl tear gas
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?