Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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