Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
