My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
