woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think i got beer on your cat.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
