whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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