This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
