And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
