I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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