Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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