How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
