cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
