I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize