Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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