I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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