I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
