Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
