It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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