I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
