look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
