I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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