its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His hands were made for my vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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