Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
