If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
