Nicole vs. Life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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