Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
