My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
