No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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