I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
