dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
