you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
