Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
