i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize