you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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