this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
