Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
3 2 1 whiskey
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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