I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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