I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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