so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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